“goodbye” by ivy morrow goodbye, you say, hoping it’s forever but your memory lives inside of my head the letters you wrote me, forever sewn your feelings into every smudged word, staining my fingers black with every inked promise, ink that will never be able to wash off, that i will never forget. the smell of your coconut shampoo i recognize in public when a stranger walks by that i smelt whenever we hugged our memories that linger in the back of my mind whenever i walk into a room, every doorway is like a time machine, i step through and your here again. whenever i hear your name, it haunts me, like something that will forever stay with me but now love is no longer a feeling anymore, it’s now a wish my hand automatically grabbing my phone to tell you how my day was, my thumb lingering over the blocked user, reminding myself of your absence. i still show up to all of our classes together, forgetting you won’t be there anymore my fingers hover over the necklace you bought me, the metal chains now cold without any wear. whenever i hear my name i turn around, forgetting it’s not you, and never will be. hearing your laughter in the halls makes my stomach ache, knowing you’ll never laugh like that because of me again while you’re not in my life, it feels empty everything is still moving, but i’m frozen you were my light in the dark but now i stumble over myself it’s like the world is moving around me while i’m stuck, and you’re not here to help me anymore. everything is still here. so where are you? you said forever, so where did forever go? moral of the story, goodbye is never really forever, it’s just a lie we use to get through life, making ourselves believe what’s done is done. “happy birthday” by ivy morrow “happy birthday” they say, as if getting older means getting better. another version of you disappears in every new beginning. we used to look up to the older kids, with freedom in their hands, the world waiting for them. but they look back at us differently. they smile at the younger selves, they know they will never get back. they know that smile, that pure admiration. they used to feel the same way. “enjoy your young years while they last” elders would say we would groan, roll our eyes— desperate to grow up they would never be able to comprehend what it will be like, your supposed to “do more, be more, keep up.” but what if you can’t? what if all you do is drown in expectations the world makes you think you have to follow, expectations you were never meant to carry? finish work. go to college. spend years becoming someone your not. becoming someone your younger self would’ve never wanted. and then what? buzz, the alarm clock goes off four hours after you had closed your eyes. sleep, work, sleep, work the cycle never ends when will it get good? wait. wait another year. wait for another candle. time keeps moving, whether you want it to or not. one day it will get good. one day you’ll be sitting down, at peace, waiting for your next adventure, everything has slowed down, your at your own pace. we blow out the candle, wishing for a better version of yourself than the last. as the wax hardens and the flame disappears, all you see, as the smoke starts lifting up into the air, vanishing like it was never even there, are all of the versions of you that have lived, all the versions that have led you to this moment, that have grown you into the person you are this very second. as i look back on every experience, going back to my younger self, i whisper to her “dont rush” i go on to the day she never expected to happen, that seemed so far away, that felt like a dream, “happy birthday.” “alone” by ivy morrow “alone” they call you, like it’s a bad thing. the thing about being alone that no one tells you about is that your never actually alone either its you behind a friend group that doesn’t notice your gone you realize they don’t turn their heads to see if your even there or maybe you just rather sit in silence than make people notice you “alone” should be called invisible instead. maybe it’s a force around you that makes you hidden within the world. some go to extreme lengths to become visible, talking loud or following trends to attract attention of others, while others, would rather be by themselves. having been invisible for so long can make being visible so exhausting. hearing people talk, making your ears pound with every word being spoken making it so uncomfortable to even think you notice when those are alone, whether it’s the kid sitting by themselves in class when a teacher says to get into groups of two, seeing their friends choose each other and not them. or maybe it’s the people who sit in silence, watching everyone else move. maybe your a teacher, asking a student, “what superpower would you choose” and the child answers “invisibility” you might be worried, you may want to ask if they want help, you may feel pity but you shouldn’t, those who are lonely have accepted that fact or possibly they want to be alone. you are your own best friend as they say, so love yourself, love yourself because you’re the only person you'll be able to depend on. when you’ve lost your sense of self all is lost, because you don’t call it “home” when feeling like all you are is a guest. and after that, silence isnt so lonely then.